So I’ve been having conversations with a few people who read my LJ, focusing on my comments about Sager in my previous post. I’m going to try and explain myself here, but I’m probably just going to make things worse. ::sigh::
First, a few snippets:
- “Nick, you need to loosen up”
- “You don’t know what you’re missing”
- “It’s a lot more fun than you think”
- “You just have to go out on a limb and try it”
- “So I hear you were traumatized by the very idea of Sager happening last night?”
I’ll ignore the clichés for the moment, and try my best to answer the last question. First of all, “traumatized” is a bit of an over-statement. Bothered by the idea? Certainly. Sager is not something I want to do, or even see. I obviously do not have the right to prevent other people from engaging in such an activity, nor would they have to comply if I asked them to do it somewhere else. The burden is totally on me to avoid an event I don’t want to participate in, which is exactly what I did.
Each discussion started off with me just saying that it wasn’t something I wanted to do. However, it’s the explanation of why I don’t want to do it that is problematic, because it is unsurprisingly not entirely logical.
First of all, yes I think that cross-dressing is wrong. Yes, I think that wearing sexually suggestive clothing is wrong. Yes, I think that making out in public is wrong. This judgemental attitude is no different from the gut reaction I have to smokers, heavy drinkers, drug users, or any other behavior I avoid and consider objectionable. I’m not going to go out of my way to stop others in doing things that want to do. They have free will, and the choice is up to them.
I would probably find at least some aspects (e.g. the scantily clad women) of Sager attractive and even enjoyable. Which is the whole problem: the actions tied to Sager lead to thoughts and desires that I want to avoid, either because I don’t want to have them, or because having them goes against my own moral code. Hence, participating in Sager is a form of temptation, and the best way to avoid the end result is to avoid temptation in the first place.
I’m human, I have failings, I commit hypocrisies, and I can’t avoid such temptations forever. The reasonable part of me knows that sexuality is a perfectly normal, healthy, and good thing to embrace. Another part of me has been trained to believe that sexuality should be a secret thing that is shared exclusively between two committed spouses. (I’ve heard many times the argument that pre-relationship sexual experience makes the life-long relationship better, so don’t bother taking that stance).
This may be part of the reason (on top of general shyness) why I’ve never had a girlfriend: an honest fear of what dating or cuddling or anything might lead to. The thing is, I do want to have kids some day, and unless I come up with a way to bud asexually, sex has to enter the equation somewhere. I just don’t want to deal with that yet.
The thing is, I’m perfectly happy where I am now in terms of relationships, beyond the fact that if I want to get married and have kids someday, I will have to start dating at some point, and that it will just get harder as time goes on. My lack of a driver’s license is a similar situation. For the moment though, I just don’t want to expose myself to Sager or Sager-like situations.
I think I’ve fairly well answered the question “Why are you bothered by the very idea of Sager?”, so I’ll move on to addressing the clichés. I’m not someone who’s known for trying new things. I have gotten a lot better at it, I think. I like to refer to myself as a “recovering picky eater”, for example. I don’t think I’d have eaten a lot of the food I eat now only three short years ago.
I will never understand why people feel a need to force me to try things I don’t want to do. Sager is way, way, way beyond my comfort horizon, so saying “you don’t know what you’re missing” isn’t helpful at all. I have a decent idea what I am missing, and that’s enough information to make a decision. I don’t want to go to Sager, so I’m not going to go. The rest of the reason isn’t terribly important, although I’ve shared my thoughts on the matter here.
In conclusion, I blame my parents. Oh… um… hi Mom! :oP
I’m leaving comments enabled, because I want to hear your thoughts, but please be nice :o).